WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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