some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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