My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
