She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
