Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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