..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I wish I only lived at night.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
