Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
