Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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