is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
