I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
