I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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