They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough