Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
