dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left