Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.