haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...