piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.