hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
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and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
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Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.