You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess