party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My legs feel like baby dolphins
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
