You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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