u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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