apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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