Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
