I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
there was a trapeze. enough said
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
