remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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