Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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