I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
