she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
