HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
