Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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