he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
