sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
