god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
