Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
