so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
