wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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