Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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