I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
