I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
