i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
