She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
