i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
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