Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
