Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
false alarm, still single
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize