Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
