I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
