You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
