Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
