the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
