dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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