I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
