Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
