All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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