whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
