Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
