you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
soo... how was my night?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
