everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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