I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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