plz talk dirty to me
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
