she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
