I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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