I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
