that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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