yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
