So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm too high and old for this...
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize