So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
