Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
