I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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