dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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