Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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