She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
