If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
